ThinkGeek needs a new office – entice me

MY FELLOW SMART MASSSES ARE UNAWARE THAT I AM WRITING THIS. THIS IS NOT A SANCTIONED PLEA, NOR IS THIS UNDER CONSIDERATION BY ANY OF OUR LEADERSHIP. Or if it is, trust me, I’m just about the last person they would tell.

I’m here to tell you, I’m tired of snow. My kids haven’t been to school in almost a week, and this time it wasn’t just Virginian paranoia over a few snow flakes. Despite having shoveled around the cars, clearing them, and making our driveway passable just a day or so ago (ok, Sunday), our minivan is officially identifiable only as the taller mound of snow. That’s right, its completely buried.

Enough of this crap.

So, I’d like to propose to my fellow smart masses that, since I can’t move closer to work (that’s right, we’re the only people in America who got a tax assessment that lowered the value of their house and cried out loud, “why us? what can we do to raise it???”), and there’s no sense in suggesting work move closer to me in Virginia, I’m left with the only logical conclusion:

ThinkGeek must move and take us with it.

I imagine it will be a bit easier than moving an island, but not by much. But if ever there was an opportunity to strike, now is it, when so many of us are so sick of snow that the promise of not another shovel lifted, of no more slippery walks or white out conditions would be welcome. Consistent, high band internet is of course a no brainer requirement, as is a lack of natural disaster conditions (we’re not trading snow for hurricanes, see?). Housing must be affordable and close to the job site, and have a capacity of supporting 5 and six person families (and pets are people in this scenario). Oh, and easy access to good, quality medical care – between our own issues and our loved ones, you’ll want your new monkey population to be hearty and healthy.

What do we bring? Fun. Toys. Zany. You should see the crap we don’t put up on the site. Are we good for a local economy? Heck yeah. We could easily keep employed a few delivery people (postal, fedex, ups, etc.), plus eateries (monkeys eat more than most, don’t-cha-know, and we have dietary restrictions), etc.. Maybe not an economic force by ourselves, we are certainly an asset to the economy.

Before you laugh this off, I present the enclosed picture taken at the grocery store just a few days ago, when travel was still possible from our home. Please, save us from this.